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Never Leave 'em Home Alone

: : This was a few weeks ago already... : : Last Saturday started out cloudy but quickly turned into a beautiful day. I had to do my laundry but also had to visit an elderly friend who was having a yard sale. She had some stuff she wanted to give me. I asked my husband if he would like to take a ride. He thought about it for a moment and then said no. Odd, he usually always goes with me on the weekend. Oh well.... So I went by myself. My friend and I had a short but nice visit and I went home, stopping at another yard sale along the way. I was only gone for an hour. Who knew... : : I have to explain that I always have a lot of laundry to do. Not only for my husband and myself, but for my two grown sons as well. They change about 4 times a day it seems. Add in bed clothes, towels, well you get the idea, I have laundry every day. If I let it go, I have a lot of laundry. Well, I didn't do it all week and had several loads to do. Knowing I had nothing to do on Saturday, I figured I'd do it then. : : : :
: : : I also have to explain that the plumbing in my house sucks. I think a bunch of drunk guys put this place together. Upon a really good inspection of the place after we moved in, I don't even know how they got a certificate of occupancy, but that's another story. : : The drain pipe for my washer has been stopped up many, many, times. I can't tell you how many times we have had to call a plumber. The water backs up and shoots all over the laundry room like the fountain at Caesar's Palace. Without the ambiance of course. Also without the cursing housewife (me) mopping it up. : :
: : We have a regular plumber. He's the one my husband always calls first (because he only charges $50.00 to snake out the drain) but the guy hardly ever shows up. Then we play a little game I have learned to call "Plumber Roulette". Get out the yellow pages and pick the closest one or the one who will get here the fastest. My husband doesn't believe in writing down the name and number of the guy who finally does show up. : :

Hubby; "What was the name of the plumber we called last time?"

: :

Me; "How should I know, you called him... Didn't you write it down?"

: :

Hubby; "No, but I marked it off in the phone book."

: :

Me; "You mean the one I threw away last week?"

: : So I'm usually mopping up the floor wondering who is going to darken my doorstep next. The first plumber was nice, efficient and fairly priced. What on earth his name was I have no idea because we got a new washer and his sticker (with his phone#) went out with the old one. : : The second time we got Larry, Darryl & Darryl. I call them this because one did the talking. The other two never said one word. They also reminded me of the Pep boys, Manny, Mo & Jack. Larry/Manny was about actual size of the guy on the old matches (does anyone remember those?). At least Manny was a Mets fan. I could tell because he had a Mets sweatshirt on. Gee maybe he'll give us a break on the price if I talk baseball to him... : : :

Me; "So how about those Mets huh?"

: : Manny (in a voice like John Gotti or Trevor, take your pick); "I hate da freakin' Mets. I'm a Yankee fan. I only wear dis shirt so's I can wipe my hands on it. Heh-heh-heh. Mets suck." : :

Me; "You have a two inch hose don't you?"

: :

Manny; "S'cuse me?"

:

Me; "You have to replace the hose too?"

: :

Manny; Yeah and see ya in about a year 'cause it's gonna back up again. Dat'll be $175.00. Mets are in da cellar. Heh-heh-heh."

: :

Me; "Little prick....."

: :

Manny; "Wha'd she say?"

: :

Hubby; "Pricked her finger...yeah that's the ticket..."

: :

It took the three of them about fifteen minutes and the drain was clear.

:

: : : : :

One Year Later....

: : The next contestant in Plumber Roulette is a gorgeous blonde god who could be my Sven anytime. What's his real name? Who in Hell knows. Do you think we wrote it down? : :

Sven; "The pipe is clogged I'll have to snake it out. This will keep happening because the didn't put a trap where they should have. It's gonna cost you $287.00."

: :

Me; Thud...."Oops. Darn that low blood sugar. I thought you said it was going to cost $287 to snake out my drain pipe."

: :

Sven; "Yep, $287.00 is what I said."

: :

Me; Thud..."Sorry, there I go again."

: :

Sven "Have to finish paying off that new truck of mine. It's a Dodge Ram 27000 4x10, super stretch cab w/dual carbs & posi rear. ....thrush mufflers and sterling silver wheels. It has a special insert for my butt crack."

: :

Me: "Can I see?"

: :

Sven; "Sure, it's parked in your driveway."

: :

Me; "LOL, Silly Boy, you thought I meant the truck? Anyway....so you are telling me that this is going to happen every year and keep costing me money? Unless of course I marry you.... or something?"

: :

Sven; "Yes, and I'm already married so you can put those back on now ma'am."

: :

Me; "You mean to tell me I'd be better off throwing a hose out the window and letting it drain that way?"

: :

Sven; "Yes Ma'am. Otherwise it'll need to be done every year and the pipe will eventually burst anyway."

: : So we paid him and then I promptly went to Home Depot, got a plastic hose, hooked it up to my washer, put the hose out the window and connected it to the drain for the downspout. This has been working nicely for several years until Saturday.... : : : : : : I came home with a smile on my face at the thought of what a lovely day it was and...and...and why is my driveway all wet? I see the hose, guess hubby was doing something out here. I opened the door and the dog ran out and wanted to get into the car. What the heck? Where is the other dog? They are usually so happy to see me when I come home. Spike reluctantly went into the house and I walked in behind him. Silly boy, why are you looking at me like th....Uh-oh....I first heard my husband cursing a blue streak and when I looked downstairs (I live in a bi-level...when you walk in you can go up or down stairs) there must have been 3 inches of water on the floor. I had brought the hose in through the window so I could close it because of the cold. He decided to wash his work clothes and forgot to put the hose out the window and the washer ran it's whole cycle. There was water everywhere! It went in the closet, the bathroom, the den, the garage, it poured out through the walls into the garage and den. Well, thank God I had the sense to by a shop vac a while ago. He was blotting it up with paper towels and cussing. It looked like Noah trying to stem the flood with a Kleenex. So we took turns sucking it up with the vac, blotting it with bath towels and paper towels. It's been three days and I am still doing laundry. I had to re wash all the clean clothes that were anywhere in the vicinity because they were all soaked. : : : :
: : That's how my Saturday went. The next time I will not ask him if he wants to go. I'll just say. "Let's go!"

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