”So…. THIS is Heaven?”

Well just when I think I can’t hate AMC anymore, they make me do it. They kill off one of my favorite characters, Gillian Andraszy. Is our princess dead as a doorknob? No, they couldn’t just kill her off and be done. They had to drag it out and make her a ghost. Will she come back in the tradition of many soap characters before her? Is our princess dead as a doorknob? No. And why not? Well even though we saw Mike Roy die in Erica’s arms and he came back from the dead, they could never get away with bringing back Esta Terblanche as Gillian. They weren’t satisfied with just giving her a little time off, push her off a bridge, send her to Hungary and have the plane crash, no body found. Amnesia? Not good enough for our princess. They had to rip her heart out and give it to the dreaded Laura. Let me scrunch my face up, put a finger in my mouth and squint my eyes to see if I can make any sense out of this… nope, none at all. And Heaven is just as confusing. Gilly doesn’t know any of these angels that are coming to her aide. Sure we know them, but come on…We have another favorite character, Jesse. To paraphrase, he is “The heavenly liaison for the tri-state area, particularly Pine Valley, in escorting the souls of the dearly departed on their journey.” I get the feeling of “Heaven Can Wait” “Twice in a Lifetime” (which they should have used) and “Ghost” blended together. Let’s take one step beyond and study this little journey into the unknown …

If I’m not mistaken, Jesse’s gloves disappeared when he went through the door into the “waiting room.” I didn’t record it so you’ll have to tell me if that’s right. Okay, we are in the “waiting room.” If this is only the first step, Heaven looks like a scary place. Actually, it looked a little like Cirque de Soliel what with the guy walking the imaginary tightrope and the clown like girl toe stepping around. Enter Travis & Jeremy in their fencing outfits. How ironic is it that Erica’s ex-husband and ex lover are dueling? Even more ironic is that Jeremy managed to get out of that quick drying plaster that Gwenyth from “Loving” poured on him. Sigh, they couldn’t just send him back to Pine Valley? And why didn’t they just have Travis phone his lines in like he did when he was alive?

Jesse: “This is Jeremy Le Clerc. He married Ceara Conner, who was really Laura from GH and they moved to Corinth and set up a crib there.” Ceara bit the big one … no died silly … and he fell in love with Gwen Alden. They was quite the twosome but ABC flushed the show and Gwen went nutso and killed half the town off.

Gilly: “Watt happent den?”

Jesse: “ Everyone moved to the city.”

Gilly: “Oh, eye see.”

Travis: “And I am Travis Montgomery. I’m dead too. It happened quite suddenly. I got nekkid and fell off a hotel window ledge in Paris. Oh wait, that was when my career died. I think I had a stroke off screen and even though AMC never gave me another chance like they did Nader, I have no feelings of resentment or bitterness. I’m here now and that’s all that matters. I am still a pompous ass and sanctimonious windbag as always. I wonder if I’m really related to the Martins? Have you met Bianca yet Gillian? She used to play her CDs over and over. I have this one song stuck in my head… “I’m coming out… I want the world to know…come on and let it show… I’m coming out…”

Jesse: “Yeah, yeah Montgomery. Now zip it will ya?”

Travis: “Oh is my fly undone again? Oh… you mean to stop talking? Of course I will. How is Erica by the way? I really screwed her over with Barbara didn’t I? Served her right for cuckolding me with my own brother….”

Jesse: “Hold the elevator for Mr. Montgomery please. He’ll be going down…”

Did everyone see Tupac Shakur standing in the background? Maybe he’s designing the clothes?

Enter Natalie in a Big Ass Hat followed by Harold the dog.

I was so happy to see them! Why is it that most of the favorite characters are dead? I have to make a confession here… I was so happy to see Harold the dog, I cried !

We also got to see Ceendy Chandler. My, how death becomes her. She seems much happier now.

So Nat sends Gilly back to earth to try to help Ryan.

Let’s have a little commercial break here. The Charmin commercial kills me. It answers the age old question “Does a bear poop in the woods?” Apparently he does, but I had no idea he took not only a roll of Charmin with him, but a newspaper too!

There is other stuff going on in Pine Valley. Doc Dave is blackmailing Adam with JR’s drug use. He also called DrJoe a sanctimonious something or other. Watch out Doctor Devilishish… you might get a few more of those Hellish nightmares.

Laura is being discharged from the hospital already? Doesn’t she have to be watched for rejection? Her heart I’m talking about. Rejection from Leo will come later. They did a great make up job on her making her look like death warmed over. She looks much better now. If they got her a cornea transplant maybe she would stop squinting. Is that Tina’s condo they are going to live in? I hope she cleaned up the joint before she skipped town.

There was the annual Martin Family 4th of July picnic at the boathouse today. Petey #105 had a line or two. Dixie isn’t dating DrDave anymore so the curl is out of her hair. She was actually wearing clothes that fit her today too. And Tad & Opal called her a floozy. I guess if the floozy fits… BTW… Dixie said they couldn’t go rowing because there were no oars. There were about ten of them in a big bin near the boats. If the writers are going to put that in the script, shouldn’t they make sure we don’t see them sitting there?

Funny thing about Pine Valley. No one ever really knows the extent of their family tree. Real parents or siblings drop in at a moments notice. Tad has a black brother and now Alex/Anna have one too. Gabby the mute boy. There’s an oxymoron for you. He sure gets his courage up around Rosa though. Another stupid forced pairing with two people no one cares about.

Just my observations for now…