A Little Slice of Life
Just a little peek into some real life happenings. Hopefully houmorous, always true.

Telephone Blues

I am so glad to be back! My phone stopped working last Tuesday night and try as I may, I have not been able to get anyone out here to fix it until tonight. Have you any idea how frustrated I have been? Does anyone feel my pain? I think the biggest mistake I made was having my kids call for the repairs. My 19 year old (Dave) made the first call on Wednesday.

Phone co.: "Some one will be there between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. Tomorrow.

Thursday, a guy knocks on the door while I wasn't home and (surprisingly) my husband answered it.
Guy: "Worst case scenario, your phone'll be back on tomorrow morning".

Friday 5 p.m., Dave calls again.
Phone co.;" Someone will be there Sunday between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m.".
Me: Did you speak to a person or was it a recording"?
Dave; "HMM rpmmph rmpoomrn smkpirrng tewlmnk".
Me: "Wha...? Never mind, I'll have your brother call from work."

So now we are into the weekend without so much as a dial tone to call our own. We had a glimmer of hope on Friday afternoon when the phone actually rang.

Phone; Rinnnng....Rinnnng....
Me (leaping over the dog and tripping on the rug); Hello...hello?
Phone; Loud static...( James Earl Jones voice; ha-ha, fooled her didn't we Ma Bell? I am your favorite Baby Bell, aren't I)
Me; No...please...hello?
I click the receiver and get a dial tone with major static. What shall I do? Do I try to call the phone company again? I know...I'll try to get online! I need my RRT! Drat! It won't work! And now there is no dial tone again...nothing...nada...zilch. Dead. I am so depressed....

Here it is Monday and my son (Craig) was supposed to call from work. I resign myself to the fact of never having phone service again and therefore never going online again .I am not happy. My husband comes home from work and I say, "I have had it! I'm going to the (yikes!) pay phone and call them myself!" Has anyone seen a pay phone lately? Okay, most aren't so bad I suppose. This one didn't look too bad. I approach...what is that smell? Eeewww, somebody peed near it! I want my own phone, GPD!! I call and talk to Russell the customer service/repair/do ya want fries w'that guy.
Russell; "Hello, this is Russell V--- blah-blah yada yada....."

Me; "Spell your name for me."

Russell; "Let me read my name tag....llessuR. Oh wait! Silly me, I was looking at It upside down...tee-hee-hee..."

Me; "I am not amused. I want my !@#$%^%$#! phone on by the end of the day or your own mother won't be able to recognize you! I have had the same phone # for 20 years and have never even been late with a payment and this is the kind of service I get? None? I know that is not your personal fault Russell, but if you don't send someone to fix it I'll have to hunt you down and get you a real job."

Russell; "I'm so sorry Mrs. G...Our repairmen got the work order for your phone at 2:45 today and should be there soon..."

Me; "We've been calling since last Wednesday and he just got the repair order today?"

Twit..er...Russell; "Yes ma'am. We probably had a lot of problems over the weekend..."

Me; "I've been calling since Wednesday and they fixed other people's phones before me?"

Russell; "Well...er...uh..we have to fix senior citizens and people who have diseases and might need the phone for an emergency first..."

Me; "My son is a severe asthmatic and my husband is cooking dinner. We could need 911 at any moment."

Russell; "If they aren't there by 6, call back and we'll get them over there first thing tomorrow."

Me; "I WANT IT FIXED TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! Do you hear me?"

I think people were throwing shoes at me....

I go home and put the finishing touches on dinner. It's now 6:30. I go back to the pay phone. Now there a a bunch of punk teens hanging around it. At this point I do not care. I haven't eaten all day and I am a nasty hypoglycemic...I see as I approach the phone... two AT&T trucks working on a line. Hmmm....could it be? After an eternity on hold a woman tells me that they are indeed working on my line right now. It's a cable at fault so she says and they don't have to be right in front of my house. Okay, I go home. I check my phone.


I'm telling my husband that she probably was just trying to get me to stop yelling at her and that's why she said....hello, what's this I see? The AT&T truck. The same guys I saw at the pay phone. I go out to greet them. I can see they're thinking they've seen me screaming into a payphone recently... Where the hell have you been and what have you been doing you incompetent assh**es? No, not out loud...."So what's the problem?" I tell them and up the pole they go and ten minutes later, my phone was fixed. If it remains fixed is still to be seen. Never send a kid to do a mom's job....

The piece de resistance...he hands me a paper to sign that says; "Our goal is to perform outstanding service. If you feel we did, sign here:"

So I am glad to be back amongst the living. I hope all y'all missed me a little bit. I missed all of Rick's re caps...I missed the wrasslin' match...what happened?

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