Everyone in Pine Valley was at the mall today...
The Dillons were at the mall because Amanda was in "The Nutcracker." I have a funny feeling they are going to trash the whole Dillon Family which is really too bad. All of them are good in their roles and could be doing so much more. Unfortunately, the writers are too busy trying to write for the new kids on the block that the TPTB are trying to stuff down our throats. But I digress...
Mrs. Sophie Santa; "Hello there."
Janet; "Hello Mrs. Clau.....GACK!!"
Sophie; "I need more money or you'll find Amanda in Swan Lake. And I ain't meaning the ballet."
Janet; "I don't have any more money! I thought you said you were leaving?"
Sophie; "I need more moola for plastic surgery. It ain't cheap you know."
Janet; "What I wouldn't give for a crowbar right now."
We got to see Becca model her pony halter today.
Becca; "I'll get it."
Scott; "Whoa Nellie...hi Boobka...er... Breastca...um...nice to see them...I mean you...you. That's it.
Enter everyone in PV that wasn't at the mall...
Junior; "Nice top Becca! My pants feel funny...."
Dixie; "Say something Tad."
Tad; "A homina homina homina....."
Yes everyone answers the door wearing one of those. And what the heck is a jammie stocking? I think that's what she said. I can't get back to the VCR right now.
Have you noticed that Linda Dano is very self conscious about her neck and chin area? It's bad enough that she is always pulling her collars up but that thing she had on today made her look like that guy from the Bazooka bubble gum comics. You know the guy I mean? He used to wear his turtle neck up to his eyeballs. What was his name? Anyway...she paid for the plastic surgery....the whole world knows about it. Why cover it up? She looks better than most for her age. Too bad her story line is such a crock...So she is going to live with Myrtle for a while. Well, you can never hear enough carny stories. We found out officially today that she is looking for her daughter and her rat of a husband who took off with all her money. Maybe he is crawling around in Adam's house with the other rats. Liza better keep an eye on the cheese before she disappears.
Back at the mall Hayley & Mateo took another step to getting back together. Excuse me this is where I gag. She acts like such a simp when she is anywhere near him. And he always has to have another woman with him. It was Raquel before and now that trampy Tina. They both make me sick. Ack!
They trotted out Edmund's kids for the second time this year. Too bad he is never with them.
Trevor is taping Amanda and Janet is trying to figure out how not to jump out of her skin.
Janet; "You go ahead Trevor. I have some things that need tending. I need a new mirror."
Sophie Clause; "Too bad Amanda tripped. Next time she might break her neck..."
Janet's little voice; "Now's your chance...do it!"
Now the choice of weapons available was slim for sure. But a candy cane?
To the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Janet did whack Sophie with a candy cane
at the mall after the play on Christmas Eve,
If she would have only took the money,
and the town of Pine Valley she would leave.
But she had to stay and torture the Dillons.
She threatened to do Amanda harm
She could've had the money and been happy.
But Janet cracked and now she's bought the farm
Who would've thought that Janet would go nuts,
And whack her with that candy cane.
She never should have threatened her daughter,
She should have known it would drive her insane.
Okay...let the applause subside...I don't think that particular murder weapon was heavy enough to do any real damage. Maybe it could be a new murder weapon in Clue 2000. Miss Green did it with the candy cane in the dressing room.
Until next time,
Tuesday December 21,1999
The Gingerbread Man
Mateo shaved his head and no one in PV mentioned it. I have a feeling if Trevor walked in and saw Mateo without a head, he still wouldn't have batted an eyelash. It's kinda like when Cady McClain introduced us to Dixie's Pixie in Platinum. Outta the blue, not a word and no one said anything. This would not happen in real life.
Trevor; "Hey wha'....what the hell did ya do yer coconut dere pal? Looks like you run into the headless horseman. We don't live in Sleepy Hollow ya know. What possessed you ta wanna look like that?"
Mateo; "Hey man, you did it a couple of years ago."
Trevor; "Oh yeah. Well anyways...here's some gingerbread cookies Janet made for ya. I dunno what's wid her...she's been bakin' like a loon. And da house is so clean...I think she's usin' Smokey for a dustmop. Yeah, she's cleanin' like crazy.... Hey these cookies look just like you."
(Yeah, actual size)
Mateo; "Thanks man, I'll call you."
Trevor; "Okay man. You've got my number."
Yeah, #1 with a bullet if rumor proves true.
I hate the fact that Trevor is trying to get them back together. I think TPTB are trying to make us not like him so they won't get so much flak when he leaves.
I loved how Greenfly successfully sucked up to Hayley today. But I want to know how she could possibly have had that dress made to tailor fit Haley. Don't you have to have measurements?
Hayley; "What are you up to Greenlee."
Greens; "Why I want your job of course. I've already bedded your best bud Ryan. Oops...did I say that out loud? Silly me."
Hayley; "So why do you want a job?"
Greenlee; "So I can be defined as who I am..."
Hayley; "A cheap flagrant slut?"
Greens; "That'll do for now."
Did you happen to notice how Greenlee and Leo's hair matches? There was mention of them being separated at birth...hmmm... A clue? Are they a couple of those black market babies Rae is on the trail of?
I thought it was pretty funny when Hayley told Leo and Greens to keep their personal lives out of WRCW. Isn't she the one who has been wearing Ryan and Mateo as earrings for the past few months?
I swear they must have sacrificed a herd of cattle for the AMC wardrobe this season. Erica even had on leather pants today. Black leather pants and a brown leather jacket. Dave had on suede...we had a flashback to Leo in his moo suit...it's just too much. I think there must be cows picketing ABC & Disney.
Erica was being exceptionally bratty today. I thought she was going to start jumping up and down while having her little hissy fit. "What do you mean the jewelry isn't for me, me, me? It's for ALEX?!? Boing, boing, boing. What do you mean giving another woman a gift while you are boinking me, me, me? Boing, boing, boing. I am not jealous"....Well, you get the idea.
Back at the hospital Joe was talking to Alex.
Joe; "You are coming to the Crystal Ball aren't' you?"
Joe; "Well excuuuuuuuuuse me."
Dave comes in to talk to Alex.....
Dave; "Don't forget to open you're gift...."
Rip rip....tick tock...ding...Auld Lang syne...dong....
Alex, babe, honey, it's a hospital....get a tranquilzer....okay? And BTW, spell it Adraszi and say it that way. It is Hungarian after all. Everyone seems to have a different pronunciation.
Until next time,
Monday December 20, 1999
Bored In The USA
I don't know about the rest of you but I could barely keep my eyes open during today's' show. Keep that in mind when you critique my first semi regular update...
Erica wants to redecorate an office that doesn't yet exist. Isn't that jumping the gun a little? David suddenly needs a new office by the new year or it would compromise his important work and research associated with the Andrassy Foundation for Apoplexy. What research is he doing except how many lacy body suits Erica owns?
Erica; "Don't you just love this navy blue mohair?"
Dave; "Are you having new underwear made from it?"
Erica; "No, silly. For your new office."
Dave; "Too bad, I'm getting bored with the lacy stuff."
I guess we are going to be treated to Edmund at the fire every Christmas with a new woman. Last year it was Kit's nose running by an open fire. This year it's Alex and Ed with a stuffy nose.
Hearing Edmund talk made my sinuses hurt today. I hope they added Vick's extra strength sinus medicine to the hot chocolate.
I think Alex was wearing Kit's sweater from last year. It had a hole or a tag in the same place.
Ed noticed the clock not running....
Edmund; "Da clock 'topped. Det me figz it for you."
Alex; "No, Edmund, it's all right."
Edmund; "Doh, readdy. Id's not a probwem."
Edmund; "Otay, I'd pud it id my pocket so you do't hear it."
That is what he said. He would put it in his pocket. Are his pockets really big enough for the clock and the "Big Ed" he's been carrying around for what, three years now?
Alex; "This is the start of my life with out my husband. You understand, don't you?"
Edmund; "You bet I do."
Alex; "Ouch! What is that?"
Edmund; "Id's da clock."
Edmund; "Time to go...Maddie likes to watch daddy eat his veggies. She eats cauliflower...she's not my daughter....
Alex; "I thought you had that all straightened out?"
Later she was having nightmares about clocks and pendulums and midnight. Wanna bet she freaks out if Erica wear's the BC dress with the little swingy thingy on the back New Year's Eve?
I didn't go back and check the tape but wasn't Dixie's hair straight the other day when they started giving the money away? Did it get her so excited that it curled her hair? Maybe it was the jumping jacks she was doing on stage.
It's about time Tad & Dixie had a crisis on conscience. It finally hit them they were doing something illegal. I would really like to see all of them, including Adam explaining everything from the sperm switch to the stuff that happened today to Derek. He'd be scratching his head so much, he'd look like Adrian's twin by the end of the show. At least Adam knows how to hold the baby. And didn't Marionnnnnnnnn see how dusty his clothes were? Shish! That must have been some hand-off of Colby to Barry right before Adam slithered back to the safe room.
Scott really annoys me. He bobs & weaves or ducks & covers his way through all of his lines. Someone should tell him he's supposed to be acting not boxing.
But, oh that Leo! He and Greens are two of the best new characters in a long time. I loved it when Greens told him about Becca being a virgin. Couldn't you just that little voice in his head sing to the tune of "I Shot The Sheriff....."
"I popped the cherry....
And next it will be Greenlee....
I popped the cherry....
Of Becca, Becca Tyree."
Oh the possibilities for a story line for them...I hope the writers can come up with something credible. It has to be better than the schlock they've been expecting us to believe lately.
By the way, when Becca was telling Scott that she would have liked nothing more than to see Greens on her hands and knees licking the chocolate off the floor...I couldn't help but think the guys would liked to have seen that too!
Until next time,