My Tripod One-Minute Page
May 31, 2000

"Weekend At Eddie's"

Well, it's been a few days now and the dead guy, Guy is still in the closet getting riper by the minute and Gilly decides to go for a swim. What is wrong with these people? Having a dead Guy around would really unnerve me. And since they didn't kill him, why do they feel responsible for him? Ryan is acting like all he can think about is not trying to have sex with Gillian and she is finding it hard to remember that she is married. Talk about easily distracted. I would want to get out of there as soon as possible. Do you think they dressed him up and sat him out by the pool while Gillian had her swim? Put one of Dimi's Hawaiian shirts on him, put a drink in his get the picture.

Gilly: "Let's pwetend the whore's trainer is not dead Wyan. I don't like heem dead. Let's play dwess up wid him."

Ryan: "Kewl Princess, let's take him for a ride in the convertible. We can go through the drive in at McKay's."

Gilly: "Okay, help me take his pants off so we can put the swim shorts on....Hey, I didn't know it stayed like dat efen when ewe men are dead. Dis could be fun after all. Let's take him to see Brooke. She hasn't seen anything like dis in a long time...On second tought, her last boyfriend was full of lead too. But she hasn't seen one of dese for a long time anywho. He isn't composting yet, is he?"

Ryan: "I know nothing about gardening but I suppose he has to be planted sooner or later. That Old Spies is starting to wear off."

So they take the dead Guy on a trip around town with a side trip to visit Stuart at the cemetery, since everyone else was there. It was a little hard explaining to everyone at Stuart's grave who their new friend was. Arlene couldn't keep her hands off of him.

Arlene: "Mmmm...who is your new friend Gillian? He really is a hard body isn't he? Just the way I like 'em."

Adam: "Oh, is he a friend of yoursssssssss Arlene? I should have known, he's a drunken stiff, just like you."

Arlene: "Mmm hmmm...stiff is the word baby. Wanna see my room at the Pine Cone?"

Ryan: "Better get him a room with a pine box."

Arlene: "What, love?"

Ryan: "We have to get going. 'Bye!"

They go to the park and leave him in the boathouse while they enjoy the leftover Martin picnic lunch. Leo, unoticed by Ryan & Gilly, tells him his sob story about Vanessa but gets mad and leaves when he can't get any answers. Not before shoving the dead Guy guy into the lake.

Ryan: "Oh my GOD! Where could he have gone? Wait, I see him! Get me that hook over there."

Gillian: "Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all?"

They take him home and shove him back in the closet. Ryan gets the bright idea to go tell Lt. Frye. Why a phone call wouldn't do, don't ask me. Why didn't they call when Ryan first got there? I have no clue. Could it be to prolong the story?.....nah....they never do stuff like that.

Greenlee drops in to make sure R&G aren't doing the horizontal hula. She and Gilly go to the main house to get some pictures for a phony documentary (you know, like Scott's).

Greenlay: "What's this?"

Gillian: "Oh, dat's my journal. The wheel weason dey shot dis scene. So ewe can steal it when I go to the udder woom for de tea."

Ryan comes back and Lt. Frye(d brains) shows up. GASP! The body is gone. The only thing they find hanging amongst the clothes is:

This was as close as I could find for the little pine tree. Okay? ;-)

Derek: "Are all of you people trying to drive me nuts? When you find the dead Guy guy, call me. Sheesh!!"

Gillian: "Ewe don' tink Arlene was here, do ewe?"

Ryan: Shrugs......

I wouldn't be surprised if he's going to Vegas. With a stop at a diner first of course. Maybe the little red bra-ed girl can dress him up as Elvis.


May 26, 2000

"The Spy Who Loved Me..."

I know I've been gone for a while so it figures all heck would
break loose in the meantime!

Let's start with Alex, Ed & Dimi...

The Count has returned. Looks like while he was taking a stroll
on the Pennsylvania oceanfront, some British spy types stormed
the beach and spirited him off to Wales. Why? I have no idea. Have I missed something? Looks like Alex/Anna's mum is the head spy and sent that Guy guy to look after her. His idea of looking after her was to eliminate her with extreme prejudice. Knock her off in other words. Why? Who knows? It makes about as much sense as Hayley & Mateo's relationship, but I am enjoying it more. The Christopher Lee type doctor at Dead Wood, or whatever it's called, seems to have taken matters in his own hands when he told the Guy guy to kill Alex. I really got a kick out of it when they were wheeling Dimi in & out of rooms like a Marx Brothers movie to keep him out of sight. How much poison does it take to kill poor Dimitri anyway? There certainly wasn't enough in the last writer's pen to do it anyway. I wonder if he/she has found a new job yet? Loved the look on Mum's face today when Alex/Anna showed up...with Edmund. Thought she was gonna get the vapors. She's probably trying to hide Dimitri in the rose bushes. But again, I have to ask. WHY???

Alex found Ed and thought he was dead. But alas, he was just drugged. They got out just before the place blew to smithereens. At last, something to silence that dad gummed alarm...

For a place that was supposed to be a spy haven of sorts, why didn't they have more security? I think all of Pine Valley and Llanview were running through the place.

How did everyone like Ryan's floating head? And in the fireplace
yet! Is Vanessa going to be seeing her head floating in the
toilet next? I
mean, at least the mirror was logical when we had mirror Janet. I
think Ryan's head was in the wrong place anyway. It was trying to
tell him not to go after Gillian because she was married and it
was like a big merry go round. If you ask me, and I know you
haven't but if you did, I would say it should have been telling
him to run for the hills instead of trying to hide a dead body
for his ex-wife. Not to mention the fact that they both were thinking of sex while a dead body was in the same house. Granted they didn't know the Guy, but still...yeach!!

Alex: "Bang! You're dead to me!"

Guy guy: "Thud"

Gillian: "Alex....EEEEKKK! What are we gong tewe dew?"

Alex: "Leave him there! I have to go and save Edmund. He has gone
to Dead Wood. I think he's in danger."

Gillian: "Leave him here?"

Alex: "Yes and don't let the servants in."

Gillian: "I know, I'll call Wyan and Granmamamama. They aren't servants. At least not Granmamamama anyhowz."


Ryan: "Hello? Incredible Can I fulfill you?"

Gillian: "Wyan, come quickly, I need you to get rid of a body for me."

Ryan: "I'll be right there."


Gillian: "Wyan, dat wos faster den a speeding bullet, just like when we were married."

Ryan: "Let's not talk sex now Gilly. Where is he? Never mind. I see a lump under the rug and my bet is you haven't been sweeping dirt under there."

So Ryan proceeds to put the stiff Guy in the closet. Oh yes, that should make for a mighty nice scent to Alex's clothes.

Derek: "What is that odor Alex?"

Alex: "It's Old Spies."

Derek: "A little strong."

Alex: (under her breath) "Not strong enough...heh heh heh..."


Stuart & Esther...what a pair. Esther is the inventor of the term "finders keepers." She tries to keep everyone she rescues. First Maddy from the lake and now Stuart from the PV Beach. I'll bet she never throws anything back when she fishes either. Poor Stuart has amnesia. They haven't had a good case of amnesia in Pine Valley since...well... I just can't remember when. So now they are in Nevada or Arizona and Esther wants to get to Vegas to get married. Stuart already having a wife doesn't seem to be a problem. She must have gone to "The Mateo Santos School of Marriage." The car breaks down and the happen on an old diner. What is familiar about this place?

Mel Jr.: "Daughter, put some clothes on! Where'd you get a red bra in the middle of the desert anyway?"

Alice: "From a catalog Dad. It's the 20th century after all." (Yes, I know. just hasn't gotten there yet.)

Mel: "Put some decent clothes on!"

Alice: "Oh , kiss my grits!"

Mel Jr.: "And stop usin' that dirty language your Aunt Flo taught ya!"

So the girl wants to get out of town to go to Vegas and Esther wants to get to Vegas to marry poor Stuart. Wild adventures will ensue for the summer no doubt.

Vanessa has been a bad, bad, girl. What kind of mother throws her son to the wolves? Mommy Dearest of course. But everyone in town except Leo is on to her. David, Erica and Palmer plan to change that though. They are doing the "Donald" scenario again. (The writers love to run a good thing into the ground.) Too bad Dave didn't use a little truth serum in the wine.

Vanessa: "I'm starting to feel...gasp...huh...huh...huh...a little funny...wheeze..."

Palmer: "What is it darling?"

Vanessa: "I don't know. I have never felt like this before."

Palmer to himself: "Telling the truth you mean?"

Vanessa: "What...?...oh...oh...huh...Eric Kane is Leo's father...wheeze...I killed Paolo...gassp...I framed Erica...I wanted Paolo to myself...wheeze...he was huge you know..."

Upon hearing that Eric is Leo's father, Erica runs to Llanview and grabs the letter opener from Lindsay, runs back and tries to stab Vanessa with it. (Sorry, had to do a crossover to keep up with ABC.)

Erica: "Liar! He was my father! Mine, mine, mine and no one else's!"

Vanessa: "Where do you think the emerald earrings came from Erica? Huh...ha...HAH... Silver's mother has a pair too."

Erica: "I will never believe it."

Vanessa: "If the writers have any brains, gasp... they will come up with the ...wheeze...story that the emerald earrings you have...huh...huh... were your mother's. Given to her when you were...HA... born. As mine were when I gave birth (God, imagine what THAT sounded like) to Leo...

Erica: "Soap writers and brains? Now there is an oxymoron."

Who have I left out? Tad & Dixie? Zzzzzzz.......

Liza and Adam...ditto

Adam & there is potential. The bar fight was good.

Adam: "Yesssssssssss...this is where I belong."

Arlene: "Come on Adam, let's go."

Adam: "Just call me Candy baby..."
So long to the rest of the Dillon family. Good actors that they didn't know what to do with. Harold the Dog was the harbinger of things to come. Sigh...

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