Thursday February 3, 2000

Hey...Dave said "Swat..."

Erica made a grand entrance back into PV today with some incriminating
evidence against Alex. Dave said he didn't know whether to kiss her or swat her.

I thought it was odd when Erica told David that Bianca missed him too. How
many times has she met him? Not many I'm betting.

My, my there a lot of get togethers at Wildwind to welcome Gillian to the family.
Why don't they do it at the Martin house? Joe brought Gramma Kate's coffee cake.
They have a cellar full of them all frozen and waiting to be baked for future
generations of Martin's and their families.

Jake: "I want to make a toast to the woman who will be my wife and my to Colby
my daughter. I have a wife a daughter a wonderful family. I almost feel like a
whole new person.

Joe: "You will be soon son. But first I hear you are going on a long vacation.
If you see your mother, tell her I said hello."

Jake: "Catwoman or regular mom?"

Joe: "Ohhhh Catwoman Ruth. She was a real dish. Too bad about contracts
and unfair negotiations around here."

Producer: "I heeeeear youuuuuuu."

Joe: "

WHEN is someone going to spill about Colby? I can't take it anymore.
Does it make sense to have Liza expose herself in court? She knows it will come
out that Jake is not the father. Why put herself and everyone else through it?
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease put an end to it already. Colby should be wearing
pink or something. It's hard enough to tell whether a baby is a boy or girl.
Why dress a little girl all in blue? I want the cheese in pink.

I'm wondering if they are trying to cut costs at ABC. You would think with
"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" doing so well, they could afford more than a
Flowbee to cut the guys hair with. First Mateo gets a beezer and now Jack looks
like someone used a weedwhacker on his head. I like Jack with that nice short
layered look. And then there's the rest of them. Bedhead on one guy is original.
On all of them it is stupid. While we are on the subject...does Eddie boy have a
weave or what?

Janet is losing it a little more each day. Brooke caught her talking to herself
again and made an appointment with the shrink for her.

Brooke: "Are you talking to the mirror again, Janet?"

Janet: "!!!!

Brooke: "All right I believe you. Why don't you talk to Dr. Hetsashreenkin?
I'll make an appointment for you."

Janet: "Why, so you can steal my daughter and Trevor? Why don't you
just move in and become me?"

Brooke: "Okay, if you insist. I can't find a family of my own. I misplace that
little boy of mine all the time."

Personally I don't even know how the two of them can be friends. Brooke did
"steal" Pierce from her after all. I would hate her forever if it was me. She is just
a little too pushy for my liking.

A little later....

Janet: "I had a chance to think during the spin cycle...."

Brooke: "Mmmm...the spin's been a long time since I've
done the laundry.

Janet: "I am so sorry about snapping at you before..."

Brooke: "It's okay. Hey can you watch the kid...what's his name again...
oh yeah...Jaimie. Can you watch him for me? I have some laundry
to do. I hope I have some wine and candles at home. Bye!"


Tuesday February 1, 2000

"Wouldn't You Like To Be A Martin Too?"

Dixie dropped by Wildwind to serve up the Martin Family Values along with lunch...

"Hi folks! Allow me to just pop in unannounced will you please. Since this
is Pine should be surprised that I even bothered to knock. It's just me,
Dixie Martin. Pour me some tea because I have come to give some advice on
the Martin men and of course, the Martin Family Values . Excuse me while
I break into song..."

I'm a Martin
Tad's a Martin
Jake's a Martin
Wouldn't you like to be a Martin too?

Be a Dr. a Dr. Martin

"You have to tie his tie for him Gillian. No Martin man can tie his own tie.
Why, when they try to tie a tie, they are fit to be tied because they can't get
the tie tied. Then you tell them to let you try to tie the tie and when you tie
the tie, they are happy."

"You also must not forget to ask for double helpings of Granny Kate's mother in
law's father's aunt's cousin's coffee cake. It's a special Martin recipe. Ruth goes
crazy if you don't have seconds. That's why she's always in the kitchen you know.
Even at the hospital. You never see her because she is in the cafeteria baking it
and force feeding it to the residents."

"The most important thing though is that once you are married to a Martin,
you become a fast talking ditz. Well you're already half way there but you
know what I mean."

Gillan: "well I...."

Dixie: "But never mind that... Did you know that there is a shrine to Joey in the
basement? Hee hee...that's funny Jake/Joey was in the basement and Bobby was in
the attic...Where was I? Oh yes, all of his trophy's and awards and drawings
that were hung on the fridge from when he was a child. Yes his name was Joey
before he went off to college and came back a completely different person. I
hear that's gonna happen again real soon. Dr. Joseph Martin, Jr. Yessiree, a
real Martin man.

"And last but not least...the Martin family yodel. Let me demonstrate....

"Yodel-odel-a-teee Yodeleo-odel-a-tee..."

Gillian: "Grandmamama, no! Put dat statue down! Dixie is our guest. Uninvited, but a guest nonetheless."

Grandmamama (dropping the statue of the nekkid Greek guy): "I'm so sorry dahling...I just had a sudden urge to..."

Gillian: "I know Grandmamama, but wee can't can't keel my future in-laws before da wedding now can we?"

Granmamama: "No dear. So sorry.."

Gillian: "It's all right.."

"Did someone drop something? Oh well, I have to go. It's time for more coffee cake and another pot of coffee
at the Martin house. I wonder why she calls it speedy coffee cake?
Gotta run...bye bye..."

Dixie (skipping merrily): "Be a Dr. Martin....Be a Dr. Martin...."

Just a little comment about the past few days. When Ryan was dating Greenlee, he didn't have to ponder that his love life was in the palm of his hand.

So glad Greenlee was rescued. At least it's not another rape as entertainment story.

Hayley to Mateo: "Is it (the ring) real?"

Mateo: "Well no. You know I still owe on two condos and have to support that kid...what was his name again?'s all your money. I bought this myself."

Hayley: "Rock candy, huh?"

Mateo: "Yep, start lapping it up baby."

Hayley: "Oh Mateo. You are my life..."



Thursday January 27, 2000

Back to one...Gack!

Mateo: "It's unbelievable you've come back to me..."

Well it's freakin' unbelievable to me too pal, let me tell you. Hayley must have
complete amnesia from malnutrition to have forgotten about that wife and
kid of yours. You remember them don't you? The dirty little secret that
ruined your bigamist relationship with Hayley? "Raquel needs me...Max needs me..."
Over and over again until she couldn't take it. Then just because she kissed
Ryan, you led her to believe that you had slept with Raquel. Let's forget about
the kiss or two you shared with Raquel. Oh sure, you pushed her away, but not
before you enjoyed it just a little too much. But what Hayley doesn't know...
And lets not forget about trying to push that drink on her. So...

Hayley...this song is for you...

One, girl you need to be fed
Two, we want Mateo dead
Three, why can't you see
He's the biggest creep there'll ever be
Four, repeat this after me


One, we like you but
Two, we hate Mateo's guts
Three, it'd be a shame to lose you
But if he goes we will get through
Four, we just think you're nuts


One, you let him treat you like dirt
Two, you got your feelings hurt
Three, but you took him back
How can you just take that crap
And four, let's not forget...

One, Max and Raquel
Two, they put you through hell
Three, he forgot they were wed
Four, he said to him you were dead

And now...
One, this is the end
Two, I hope I didn't offend
Three, But hey, we still want Mateo dead.
Um hmmmm hmm hm mmmm...

Now that I have that out of my system... How'd you like that party at SOS today?
Wasn't it nice of Leo to loan Brian McKnight the moo pants?

They were celebrating Hayley's new show, "Wave." I must say I felt a wave of
nausea wash over me anytime Hayley & Mateo were onscreen but on to more
important things...

I think someone will be suing SOS if those pretty colored glasses fall down on
someone's head. They were shaking like a Chihuahua in a snow storm.

My bet is that Hayley didn't order them. They aren't all rose colored.

I caught site of something even more rare than a person of color in Pine Valley,
a person of size. The girl dancing behind Mateo at the start of the
show was a little chubby. It's about time they had someone on the show that
didn't look like a stick figure. I say that since I am also a "person of size" we
start a campaign to have at least one fat person on the show a few times
a week. I volunteer to be Jack's new love interest. What d'ya think?

Well didn't Becca look like she was just gonna click her heels together
and go back home to the holler?

I like Becca though. She is sweet, pretty and smart. A little too syrupy
sometimes, but that's what they write for her I guess.

Poor Greenlee...she really deserves better than what they seem to have
cooked up for her. Another "AMC + Bad Girl + Bar = Rape" story. It's the
Julia/Kit/Estelle/etc. story in redux. And at the mean trusty
old Pine Cone Motel.
Who'd have guessed? She could have been such fun without
it. Maybe Leo will come to her rescue. That would be a switch. I'd like to see
the two of them together.

Marion definitely had the best line of the day.

Adam: "Why are you pointing the finger at me?"

Marion: "If I were any less of a lady Adam, I'd show you the finger
everyone gives you behind your back."

That was just too funny. There has been a lot more humor since Agnes
Nixon came back. We don't really need all of the slapstick but the innuendo
and one liners have been fabulous.

Okay. What did Liza mean she wanted Colby to be raised a Martin? She wants
the warmth and stability the Martin's can give Colby. Since when? When she
first went into the whole donor thing, didn't she say that she didn't want Jake
and family involved? Allie went nuts trying to tell Jake that he would be doing
exactly what he's doing now. I would love her to have a cameo. She's just breezing
through town on her way to a medical convention for formerly insane doctors.
She's in town to pick up Alex because they're carpooling.

Allie: "Told you so."

Jake: "Did not."

Allie: "Did too..."

Alex: "Yoo hoo...Allie...I'm ready to go."

Allie: "Oh Alex...I told you it wasn't formal. You're so crazy..."

Alex: "Am not..."

I would like to see Liza team up with Adam against Jake. They aren't
divorced yet after all. Of course Liza could just take the cheese
and slip away and leave them both holding the empty diaper bag. But
we wouldn't have a show then, would we?

Just who is that little girl Alex is treating? She looks like Cosette from "Les Mis."

Alex: "So what will we do today my darling Cosette?"


Alex: "Oh look, here's Edmund. Say hello to Edmund."


I know they are cutting costs at ABC but give the kid some lines already.

A tiny frail voice from the hospital room...

"I dreamed a dream of no Mateo..."

Alex: "What's that dear?"


That was some undercover job Tad and Dixie did. I saw the purse on the table
with the camera in it. How inconspicuous was that. I'm sure Adrian could have
gotten them a nice little camera on a wire instead of the tote bag with the holes
in the sides. Is that a reel of film hanging out of your purse Dixie? Sheesh!

Until next time,


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