Dolly's Valley Update 3
Monday, January 10, 2000


Let's get the Hayteo crap out of the way first then maybe we can have some fun...

Oh no!! Not flashbacks!!! Pleeease, not that!!

I am at the point where I want them to get back together.
Maybe they will take a nice long honeymoon and then the plane will crash.

Mateo told Hayley he has a lot of things to say to her. If it doesn't start with.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my first wife. I'm sorry that I spent every waking
hour with them and not you. I know I couldn't be bothered going to your father or
Uncle Stuart's weddings, but I am sorry. I know it was not the right thing to do
when I moved Raquel and Max in under your nose. If it doesn't start out like that,
I don't want to hear it.

Hayley looked good in the flashbacks I must say. She wasn't the stick figure she is
today, she had a nice shape.

I wanted to hurl big time when she said to him: (insert whiny voice) "My love is
toxic. What good is it if all it is does is hurt you?" GAG!!!

Jake and Adam at Marion's...

Since it is only January 2 in PV time, Jake shouldn't be worried so about
Liza and Colby. You would think they were gone for a week or something.

Jake: "Is there something I should know?

Yes there is buddy and if someone doesn't tell you soon I'm getting the
# for PV Hospital and calling you myself.

"Hello, is this PV General?"

Nurse: "Yes it is. May I help you?"

I'd like to speak to Dr. Martin, please."

Nurse: "We have several Martins here. Which one, the hairy hunky one or the old one that knits his brows?"

Dr. Joseph Joey Jake Martin, Jr., please."

Nurse: "Ah, the hairy hunky one. Please hold."

Jake: "Hello, this is Dr."

"I have something to tell you and you are not going to like it."

Jake: "Is it something I need to know."

"You are not, I repeat not, Colby's biological father."

Jake: "Mom? Stop kidding around. I thought you didn't have phone
privileges after the salad shooter incident."

"Adam Chandler is Colby's father."

Jake: "Look mom, I have surgery."

"This is not your mother! You are not Colby's father! Listen to me you idiot!"

Jake: "'s for you..."

Dr. Joe: "I'm knitting Colby a blanket. Tell her I'll call her back."

I loved Marion hissing at Adam today: "Sperm swapper!"

Jake and Gill meet in the Valley Inn...

Jake: "Why did you say yes?"

Gill (flashback to Ryan & Greenlay at the crypt): Why did I say yes?
"Because I love you." Uh-huh...

Let's see...Jake finds out Gill knew about Colby for a long time and dumps her.
He and Liza get together. Gill goes back to Ryan...

Poor Ryan. He finally jumps back into doing the carefree bunny hop and Gillian
walks in on them. He looked like someone punched him when she told him she
was marrying Jake. Is there any guilt free sex in Pine Valley?

It was strange seeing Janet running through everyone's scenes like a character in a cartoon.
Not that she looks guilty or anything...
She should have been holding a cup so they could throw some money in.

Janet: "Money for the escaped convict so she doesn't kill my family..."

Mirror Janet: "You should bashed her friggin' brains
out when you had the chance."

Heh heh heh...she said "friggen"...she did...

Janet (shrieking): "Leave me alone!"

Trevor: "What is goin' on here?"

Janet (raising the crowbar over her head): "EEEK! PMS NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

At least that would be a more interesting way to get rid of Trevor.
They haven't used the PMS murder defense yet, have they?

Until next time,

Friday January 7, 2000

"The Blind Leading The Blind"

First of all...wouldn't the door have hit Sophie when it was opened?
There was really no room for her to hide behind it.
Not if my kids were the ones opening it.
She would have been an imprint under the staircase.
Flat as a pancake. Yessiree.

Secondly...couldn't Trevor see Janet through the
window when he bent down to pick up the paper?
What did he think she was doing?

Hayley: "I need to talk to you Uncle Pork chop.
Can we go someplace where you can buy me something fattening
and I'll try to pretend I'm eating it, okay?"

Trevor: "Sure ting, Tink. I was in da mood for some hanky panky.
I gots to get all I can now you know.
I hear I'm going on a long trip soon. Looks like Janet's waxing her lip anyways.
That must be use #751 for duct tape. Youse wimmin', ya kill me."

I think they are trying to make us dislike Trevor because
he is on Mateo's side in all this.
It may be easier to let him go
because of that. Although there are
a lot of sad disillusioned
women out there who think Hayley
and Mateo belong together. Oy.

Meanwhile back at SOS, Mateo
is pulling out something big...

Mateo: "Guess what this is Adrian?"

Adrian: "Wait a minute man. Put that thing pack in your pants.
I know it's been awhile, but I am not the guy for you."

Mateo: "It's jewelry, man"

Adrian: "You can't buy me, man. I don't care how big it is."

Mateo: "It's an engagement ring for Hayley."

Adrian: "Whew! A what? After all the crap you did to her?
I oughta smack you into the next soap opera, man.
But hey, this is a new era. Did you try the Prozac shakes in
the new blender? I'm happy for you man.
Even if you are an abusive little prick."

Mateo: "Thanks man. I knew you'd understand."

I didn't pay too much attention to the second half to be honest.

Greenlee hurt Becca's feelings.
Becca took a shot back at her.

Greenlay and Ryan went back to his apartment to do the horizontal
mambo. Leo is trying to ingratiate himself into Becca's
Greenlee said "colored greens"
instead of collard and there was some heifer talk...
Did I miss anything? Oh yeah...
Hayley and
Mateo met on that mysterious Pennsylvania Beach.

Who want's to bet they get back together for Valentine's Day?

Pass the milkshake...

Until Next time,

Thursday, January 6, 2000

Back To The Future

Sorry I missed getting out an update yesterday. Unforeseen
circumstances. I'll try to make it up today. 'K?

Loved the anniversary show. I didn't cry until they showed Granny
Kate. She always was one of my favorite characters. I also liked the tree
of ...what was it...humiliation...humanity...that was it.

Brook looked and sounded like such a little kid in her flashback scene with
Aunt Phoebe. I also liked Adam saying to Marion: "Colby is MY BABY DAMMIT!"

The thing that grossed me out was Hayley and Mateo making goo goo eyes at each other. Bring me a bucket. If anyone is waiting for Mateo to ever admit that it was his fault that they broke up, forget about it. I just read in Soap Opera Digest:

"Though Adam has a ways to go with Liza, Hayley & Mateo take a
step closer. The tortured twosome share a kiss at the beginning of the week
and Mateo starts thinking commitment. Mark Consuelos (Mateo) is
pleased, "I think one of the best qualities somebody can have is the
ability to forgive." He explains. "Mateo wasn't really taught to forgive too much, but I think he's working on that." Kelly Ripa (Haley)
previews, "All I can say is that we connect on a level that is so profound,
he immediatly runs out and buys her an engagement ring!"

Maybe Sophie can bash him with the crowbar instead? I'd do it myself if they'd hire me as a day player. I swear if these two go front burner again, I'll have to stop watching the show.

Deep Purple Dream...

Ah, the boyishly charming Dr. Hayward...sigh...tells Erica she shouldn't sleep alone on the first night of the new millennium. Sounds good to me. The kicker to that is...

Viola! It's morning and after a night of lovemaking ( I'm presuming here)
and sleeping Erica wakes up in full unsmudged makeup. Not one hair out of
place, no raccoon eyes. The lipstick was perfect, liner and all. Oh yeah, I
could wake up like that if I wore makeup to bed.

If I died in my sleep!

Dave: "You had a dream? What did you see?"

Erica: "I saw a man."

Dave: "Did you scream?"

Erica: "Mmm...Not until later.

When I woke up and saw that everything in my room had turned purple! And
my silver bracelet turned into a necklace.

If I had known that was a paintbrush he was holding, I'd have called the police! Look what he's done.

Damn that Martha Stewart! She has elves everywhere! I never should have
moved to this neighborhood.

She has her things in K-Mart of all places."

Dave: "I have to go to Wildwind and pick up my collar bone. Stella found it
in the hallway after my little accident last night."

Can anyone just walk into anyone else's house in Pine Valley? Alex and
David just both walk right into Wildwood I thought they had security people
and alarm systems?

It would bother me if people were standing in my hallway talking early in
the morning. Hell, anytime for that matter! I know I just live in a regular
house but I don't think my dogs would let anyone in .

Edmund: "Sorry Alex. Let me get that Doberman off your ankle.

Where is the English to German dictionary? Should have gone for Schutzhund
instead of regular guard dog training.

Hi Dave. Uh -oh...can we stitch one of those up with out it hurting too
much? StelllllLLLLLLLA! ......

Instead the conversation in the middle of the Wildwind Public Hallway went something
like this...

Dave: "You don't plan to throw me out the window of our office do you?"

Alex: "Well, I promise I won't kill you."

Dave: "It'll be our little secret. You can't tell anyone."

Alex: "Geoffrey?"

I have a feeling she's not talking about Geoffrey, the Toy's 'R Us giraffe.
Don't you? Wear a parachute Dave.

Dixie was dressed like a normal every day person and she still looked cute.
How about that?

And how pushy is that Rae? Just walk right in and sit right down and make
some coffee will you Dixie?

Rae apparently hadn't had enough coffee so met Alex and swallowed some more
of the warm tasty stuff at BJ's.

I'll bet the muffin on the table weighed more than Alex did. I didn't know BJ had one that big.


While "I Can Help" played in the background and was appropriate, I didn't get the tie in
with "Little Genie" reference.

Maybe I've said or heard this before, but how can Sophie possibly get away
with sneaking around Janet's house like she does? At the very least the cops should have the place staked out.

I also noticed an alarm system box near the front door. And why didn't
Janet just figure with all the crap Sophie's been doing that she didn't
actually kill her? Is common sense a little too much to ask?

Janet could have turned the tables on Sophie if she would have realized
that she didn't kill her. Janet could sneak up on Sophie sneaking up on her
and whack her in the head....boom...thud...self defense...problem solved.

But no.

They have to feed us this story instead just to get rid of Trevor. That's
the thanks he gets for being an upstanding guy and sticking with the show
all this time even though he was relegated to back burner status while TPTB
dragged in all kinds of 20 something model types.

Who will be next?

Did you notice they used a different taping of the "Candy Cane Murder?" The
candy cane didn't break in the same place as the first time.

Until next time,


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