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Thursday, December 30,1999

Be Our Guest, Be Our Guest, ....

put our writers to the test

Disney is like a mold that just keeps growing and engulfing everything. Since they bought Cap Cities ABC, they have just not stop letting us forget that they own them. They are a master of self promotion. Why else do they have "Rae" running through all four soaps? How many times did they show that ornament only because they want viewers to buy it? Now they have all of the women at the ball dressed like characters out of Disney movies.

Becca looks like Belle from "Beauty & The Beast", Vanessa looks like the evil queen from "Snow White" and Millie is dressed like the wicked stepmother from Cinderella.

Come on, who do the rest of them remind you of? I'll bet we could think of a movie to go with every gown. Another thing about the gowns is that almost every one of them (I would say every one of the main characters) has something going on with the rear deck. Bustles, bows, pleats, drapes, you name it and it's hanging off of there. How are they supposed to sit?

I'm surprised they don't have Erica in a hoop skirt fanning herself.

Erica O'Kane; "Fiddle dee dee Alex. Is your coach waitin' outside for you? I hear you have to leave before midnight. Well, tomorra's another day. As God is my witness, I'd love to see ya turn in ta a punkin'!" (oops, sorry! Not a Disney character but she fits the part so well.)

Although I admit that her dress was among the nicer ones. We haven't seen too much of her at the ball yet.

I can believe that Becca puts her own make up and does her hair like the rest of us city folk. What I can't buy is that she made her own dress. Do you think the mice in the attic helped her?

Maybe Alex was in the Ha Ha Hotel for her un-accounted for years? I wonder. Looks like she was molested by someone. That guy has to be her father or uncle that she keeps seeing.

Hey, writers! No fooling with the script later and saying that Dave had an "accident." She pushed him and we all saw it and won't forget it.

I know it was short today but there hasn't been much to work with.

Until next time,
Dec. 29, 1999

Banana Banna Bow Butt

I'm coming down with something and I'm tired and cranky so, this is probably going to sound more like a rant than an article but here goes;

Let me just begin by saying that I cannot believe there are mature fans of this show that actually want to see Haley & Mateo back together. They make me want to gag every time they are in a scene. I don't care if they are in it separately or alone. I can't stand them. I hope the chandelier falls on them if they dance together.

Let's talk about the dresses we've seen so far. Gillian's is nice and she looks good in it. Marion & Liza are looking pretty good. I would like to know however where they got the rest of the women's wardrobe we have seen so far. Is there a place called "We've Got a Bow For Your Butt" near the studio?

What was that rag Haley had wrapped around her? It looked like she stole a tablecloth and a napkin from the Valley Inn and tied it around herself. Yikes! She was also standing so far away from Edmund when she was "interviewing" him, it was funny.

What the Heck is up with Alex? Okay so Dave didn't knock but now she's seeing different people in his face? Maybe if we already knew what was bugging her it would make sense. But hey, why let us, the long time in on
anything? My bets are on her head exploding at the stroke of midnight. Which brings up a stirring question. Will the straight jacket have a big bow on it?

Did anyone else hear bones rattling when Edmund was dancing with Alex?

Opal is wearing something that looks like a medieval torture dress and Brook has a big butt bow too as well as Dixie. I want to see them all sitting down. That should be a real laugh.

Adam finally got a remote instead of crawling through the rat hole. It was so appropriate though.

Jake must be twitterpated because he didn't have take a coat when he left the Martin house and I think he had on brown shoes with his tux. He and Gilly did look cute though. I think I will feel sorry for him when Barry delivers his little gift from Adam.

Why on earth did grandmamamama say "Edwind?"

I really hate the way that Rae is hounding everyone. Get rid of her already. We already know her daughter is in Port Charles considering that she ends her ABC soap stint on General Hospital after visiting Port Charles. She is just annoying in PV. I guess they couldn't find a gown for her that had a bow big enough to cover her butt and her face, so Rae is wearing, yet again, a long jacket with a big collar.

Tina's hair looks so stupid but I hope she takes Mateo for all he's worth or at least takes him away from Pine Valley.

Until next time,
Dolly (sniff)


Monday, December 27, 1999

"Life Is A Scream...."

Have you noticed that the commercials during AMC cater to all the different orifices? Phone, food, diapers, sanitary napkins, Massengill and Preparation H. Just something that popped into my head while I was watching.

Let's see...Where should start today? How about with Janet? We knew she couldn't stay sane forever I guess. As she peeked out the door than ran out to get the paper, I couldn't help but notice the two baseball bats on the porch. Much better than a candy cane if you ask me. Next time Sophie comes on the porch, send her head on a screaming line drive to Center City. Since she just didn't call the cops to begin with...she should just say that it was self defense. But that wouldn't give us a set up to knock of Trevor, now would it? Janet is as jumpy as that Taco Bell dog after he drank a pot full of coffee. She is visibly shaking....

Trevor; "Hey Babe? What's this doing in the garbage?"

Janet; "{{{{{{WHAT?}}}}}} Little voice...Oh Gosh...Sophie's body is in our trash...what'll I do now? I can't go back to jail....I have to do something....quick....{{{{{{Let's go to Paris and visit Tim. Right now. Come on. I'm already packed. Amanda can go this time.}}}}}}"

Trevor; "I haze so much work since Belinda went to Phoenix, I can't go. (didn't stop him last time) Let's wait until Spring."

Janet; "{{{{{{SPRING? No, I mean right now. Please, I have to go now. As soon as I wash this candy cane goo off my hands.}}}}}}

Trevor; "Are you crazy?"

{{{{{{Janet}}}}}} "Hello, sanitation department? What do you do with the dumpsters behind the mall? You know. The ones with bodies of women dressed liked Mrs. Claus in them? Oh, I see. Thank you. Good-bye."

Why doesn't she just call Derek and confess? It's not like the PVPD are the best cops in the state.

Janet; "Hello, Derek? I just whacked Sophie over the head with a candy cane. Why? Because she kept threatening Amanda. I think I killed her. I put her body in the dumpster behind the mall. I'm so glad I got that off my chest. I thought I was going crazy again. I thought she was standing on my porch dressed like the virgin mother."

Derek; "Is this Janet Dillon? Stop wasting my time with practical jokes. (click) "that wife of yours Trevor, what a hoot."

Trevor; "Yeah and what hooters too. One of the reasons I married her. Here, have another donut while I clean my old gun."

Derek; "Watch out Trevor. I heard they want to kill you off you know."

Trevor; "Nah....."


  • It was turtleneck day in Pine Valley. Leo and Rae had theirs on. Leo looked good in his. Rae did too but she still seems like she's trying to cover everything up.

    She ran into Alex at the hospital and showed up later on her doorstep. So, they have a mutual friend do they? Who could it be......?

  • I really want to know why Alex hates David, clocks and New Year's so much. She is taking it a bit far, isn't she?

    Dave; "Let's share an office. I always get my way."


    Dave: "So, it's a go then?"

    Just how close is Millionaire Row to town and PV hospital? In a flash Alex was home at midday for a belt of brandy and a shower. In the next instant, Dave knocks on the door and since she doesn't answer, let's himself in. Who would just open the door and invite themselves into the home of someone who despises them? You have to give it to Doc Dave though. He is making a seemingly honest effort to get along with Alex.

    Dave; "Ahem..."


    Dave; "I think you are over reacting Alex..."

    Alex; "I AM NOT OVER REACTING!!!!!!!!"

    Dave; "Have it your way."

    Alex; "You didn't mention that you had Mutton King here in the States..."

    Don't know if you caught it or not but...when they were in the office discussing applicants for researchers, instead of hefty increase he said "hiefer" (small cow). I told you there was way too much leather on that show. Count the jackets today.

  • Jake brought Colby home and we notice how much better Gillian's speech is. Those Martin Family recipes work wonders, don't they? Was it necessary for him to ask Liza for Gillian's hand? You know they are just setting him up for the fall. Let's see how many scenes we can milk out of Jake with Colby before we have Adam rip out his heart with a letter and a DNA test.

    Adam is rifling through Doc Dave's drawers as they spoke, looking for some DNA. If I was Dr. Delish, I would fire the secretary. Did you happen to see the files? Colby, Carillos, Frye, Chandler. Yeah, that's alphabetical.

    "A,B,C...simple as One, two, three...."

    Until next time,

    Friday, Dec. 24,1999

    "Twas The Night Before...."

    'Twas the night before Christmas and all through Pine Valley,
    Sophie's in a dumpster out back in the alley
    Janet was home and she was quite nervous
    David was at Wildwind for the Christmas service

    And Trevor was trying to fix up his Tink
    With that louse Mateo who 'bout made her drink
    He doesn't know that his wife is in pain
    Or that she clobbered Sophie with a big candy cane

    Amanda told Haley to please make a wish
    But we wish Mateo would sleep with the fish
    Erica has gone to see her Bianca
    Greenho sees wocka wocka

    Ryan loves Gillian, so cute and so regal
    I thought it was cute when he gave her the beagle(s)
    The Martins are home with Ruth in the kitchen
    The rest in the parlor about Adam they're bitchin'

    Little Colby is snug against Dixie's plump bosom
    With a chest like that, who'd be refusin'?
    Becca & Scoot and now that cute Ryan
    Are going to Wildwind and do their goodbyin'

    It's getting cold and it's starting to snow
    The bag lady needs trash for her fire to glow
    She goes to the dumpster and lifts up the lid
    And sees the body that Janet just hid

    She runs a screamin', is a policeman near
    When what to our wondering eyes should appear
    But Sophie climbing out in her Santa Claus gear
    Her cheeks are all frozen and she is all in a tizzy
    Her head is a hurtin' she's feelin' quite dizzy
    She has candy cane splinters all over her suit
    why didn't she just take that gosh darned loot
    She's weak and she's mad and herself she tries razin'
    She's totally p.o.'d, her eyes are a blazin'

    Nattie oh Nattie, what did you do?
    If only that poor little Amanda knew
    Her mommy needed that wish so Sophie would go
    Janet got her the money, she did beg steal and borrow
    But you gave the wish to Hayley to our undying sorrow
    What happens next? Please tune in tomorrow.

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